Journey

Sometimes, this part of my journey feels like a joke to me.
It feels as if God is up there laughing at me with all of her angels.
Then, I dust myself off and say "this is the part where we build character."

My whole life (or as far as I can remember,) I've been crippled with Anxiety/ Depression. I remember randomly crying under beds, behind couches, even in kitchen cabinets when my tiny body still fit. I always knew that what I had deep inside of me was something to be "seen" and the power behind it often led me to sadness/fear of the unknown.

Anyways, I presently, do not like the desk job that I'm working, I'm grateful for the income, but I do not like the monotony and constant buzz of phones. I like my coworkers, but this is not my destiny. I'm getting fat behind a desk to pay my bills, and that's not fun. I don't like the way my ears feel afterwards, or the way my voice feels. I don't like it, but right now I "need" it, because its safe.

Who am I talking to on here anyway? Who do I think I am?  Who do I even think that I am? No ones listening/reading, No one cares, and yet for some reason the film keeps playing.

I feel empty.
I feel alone.
I feel blue.

Then, I dust myself off and say "this is the part where we build character."