Sometimes, this part of my journey feels like a joke to me.
It feels as if God is up there laughing at me with all of her angels.
Then, I dust myself off and say "this is the part where we build character."
My whole life (or as far as I can remember,) I've been crippled with Anxiety/ Depression. I remember randomly crying under beds, behind couches, even in kitchen cabinets when my tiny body still fit. I always knew that what I had deep inside of me was something to be "seen" and the power behind it often led me to sadness/fear of the unknown.
Anyways, I presently, do not like the desk job that I'm working, I'm grateful for the income, but I do not like the monotony and constant buzz of phones. I like my coworkers, but this is not my destiny. I'm getting fat behind a desk to pay my bills, and that's not fun. I don't like the way my ears feel afterwards, or the way my voice feels. I don't like it, but right now I "need" it, because its safe.
Who am I talking to on here anyway? Who do I think I am? Who do I even think that I am? No ones listening/reading, No one cares, and yet for some reason the film keeps playing.
I feel empty.
I feel alone.
I feel blue.
Then, I dust myself off and say "this is the part where we build character."
Tuesday, April 18, 2017
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